During this period of confinement, people are frequently asked what they miss most from the “old days”, aka February.
Some say visiting family and friends, or going to large-group parties; others miss sporting events, favorite restaurants and church services. Me? It’s shopping. I miss shopping.
I’m not materialistic or a shopaholic or anything like that. I’m not even much of a buyer, I’m more of a toucher. You know, pick it up, turn it over, put it down. I’ve gone to Smith Haven Mall and come back empty handed. I drove all the way to Ikea once and bought nothing except lunch.
The reason I put shopping at the top of my miss-list is because that’s usually when I have the most memorable experiences.
How tweet it is
One of those happened while I was shopping at TJ Maxx in Bridgehampton. Except for background music it was quiet; a bunch of strangers silently pawing through the clearance items, until the first notes of a familiar song began and every head cocked, in a bird-like way.
Tweedilly-tweedilly-deet, tweedilly-tweedilly-deet
Tweedilly-tweedilly-deet, tweedilly-tweedilly-deet
Tweedilly-tweedilly-deet, tweedilly-tweedilly-deet
Tweet-tweet-tweet-tweet
When it’s “Rockin’ Robin”, you sing along — you can’t help it. By the time the actual words “He rocks in the treetops all day long…” started, two dozen of us were singing loud and rockin’ in the aisles, dancing like a well-rehearsed group of former American Bandstanders!
When the song ended, our impromptu flash mob cheered, then turned its attention back to shopping, still grinning over our collective connection in the discount racks. That was fun.
Flasher alert misfire
Not all of my shopping excursions have been so positive and uplifting. One trip to the city started out routine. At noon I stopped at a mildly crowded cafeteria-style coffee shop and carried my tray to a chair at the last available empty table.
In the city, if there are vacant chairs at a table, they’re up for grabs. From the corner of my eye I spied a man in a trench coat moving slowly toward my table. (Did I mention it was August?) I pride myself on being a friendly, approachable person, but it was THE city and the “Alert! Alert! Trench coat in August!” buzzer went off in my head.
Smooth operator that I am, I hooked my feet around the legs of the opposite chair to quietly and covertly pull it under the table (because God forbid, I should insult a pervert, right?) Unfortunately, the legs made a loud, screechy sound as I dragged the chair out of view. Mr. Trench Coat abruptly stopped, then moved toward the table beside mine, causing the women already seated there to scream.
They were screaming in delight and then had lunch with Kiefer Sutherland, in town for the Emmy awards. (He won best actor.)
Out of the mouths of babes
But that was not my bad shopping experience, that was my sad one. My missed opportunity. The bad one happened right here on Shelter Island in the now vacant storefront formerly known as Schmidt’s but what was then, Fedi’s.
It was one of those beautiful spring afternoons when the stars are aligned and all’s right with the world and I was having a really good hair day, which are few and far between.
As I stood in line striking a pose and flipping my good hair, waiting for Doug to ring up my purchases, the cutest little boy came in with his dad. When they passed the chip display beside me, the dear child asked if he could please have a small bag. His dad said “yes,” and as he walked toward the back of the store, told him, “I’ll get it for you in a minute.”
The charming youngster stretched for a bag just out of his reach, until I, so gracious and kind, you know, on account of my good hair, grabbed one and handed it to him. Then, nasty little brat boy shouted in a piercing voice that reverberated off the high ceiling and across the street into the lower-level jail cells, “Never mind, dad! An old lady up front got it down for me.”
Doug and I locked eyes, then he laughed and laughed. Me too. But I was just pretending.
Now that I’ve got all this time to dwell upon it, maybe I don’t miss shopping so much after all.
